Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
