you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
