Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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