the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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