Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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