Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
