I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
