This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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