its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
