I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize