PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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