There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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