I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
