Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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