pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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