I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
