I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
