dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
