You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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