Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
