If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize