this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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