Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
