I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
