On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
