dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
