there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
