I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
