if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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