I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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