She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize