and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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