I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
