i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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