At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
