In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
