Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
