I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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