Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
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he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
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i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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