ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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