Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
