After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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