We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
