Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
