dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
