she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So squirting runs in the family.
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Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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