And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
