So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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