Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
