Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
