I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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