I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
