A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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