i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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