Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
