sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I party with great urgency now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
