You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
