so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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