so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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