The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
