whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.