Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed