just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.