I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.